By Ashley Lopez
Hi everyone, it’s been a while. I literally haven’t been doing it. Thank you so much for your patience.
Today I want to talk about mental monsters. Things that take up my mental capacity. Thoughts that are hard to control. Thoughts that keep me up at night. Dark thoughts that invade my good day. Negativity that blooms even in the best moments.
My mind is constantly tormented by negativity, I push myself to think happy thoughts, but the darkness still tends to take over. Besides really dark thoughts, I am also concerned about everyone else, but myself. It’s exhausting to worry about things I really shouldn’t, but I can’t seem to control it.
Lately, with the help of people I love, I am becoming more aware that I need to stop caring so much about what other people think about me (congratulations Ashley, you’ve just made it out of middle school) and agonizing over if I’m doing enough for others. I can’t keep spreading myself so thin. After I master the art of letting go of caring so damn much and only spending my time on people who actually like me for me, I can target attempting to control my literal dark thoughts.
What is the cause of this darkness? I DON’T know. It drives me crazy. I stay up at night creating my own horror films and keep in mind – I HATE scary movies. I’d like to say I’m a generally happy person (at least I think I fall into this category. What does being happy even mean?). My mother is anxious as hell and jumps to the worst conclusions, maybe that’s where I get it from. But seriously, if anyone has any tips on how to stop, or better yet, prevent these bad thoughts PLEASE enlighten me because yo girl goes from 100 to 0 real f*cking quick. I go from thinking about picnics at the beach to a loved one dying in a car wreck and then some. This is nothing compared to all the other horrible things that seem to run a marathon through my mind.
Now that I’ve shared what I like to call a deep dark secret, I guess it’s fair game and I’ll be able to see what readers actually enjoy my blog. My blog that is so damn inconstant, but oh so precious to me. I’ll get better… one day. Hey, new years resolution? 2021 – HERE I COME!
Go ahead folks, let’s get deep and critical 😉
Current dark thought: crap, what if I lose all my followers, all my data, AND my blog because it’s fair game? SHIT.
So, how do you let go of your mental monsters?
Thanks for reading, xo.