By Ashley Lopez
I have a bad habit of telling people my business, but I’ve learned that’s not always the best thing to do. For starters, you get people checking up on you more than usual and constantly questioning you and your actions. Secondly, you disappoint the other parties involved. And lastly, it’s really no one’s business what you’re up to, how you’re feeling, why you did something, or what is actually happening.
It’s so hard to come up with excuses as to why a situation ended the way it did after you told them it wouldn’t end that way. Why bother sharing anything with anyone if people, even the best people, will still question you. I am trying to keep things in instead of over sharing, but now I’m struggling with a release. All I want to do is share everything, but at the same time, I don’t want to anymore. I don’t want people to know a thing about me. I don’t want to depend on anyone but myself.
For someone who claims to be so independent, I’m constantly struggling with actually being so. Relying on myself. I’m always asking for pointers and opinions. Seeking approval in one way or the other. I’m 26 and still feel very high school at times, but I am getting stronger by trusting my own approval and straying away from the admiration of others. Why is it so hard to forget society, let people go, and just start over?
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and when one door closes, two doors open; though, it may take time for the others to open. I have so much to say all the time, but I am having a difficult time finding the proper words to say them, when to speak them, and if I even should. Sometimes half the things I say, I don’t know if I actually mean them and that scares me. If I think something enough to say it, it must have some truth to it, right? Can I even trust my own judgement? Is this why I do share all my deepest thoughts, latest “life updates,” and more?
Whoa, I think I just answered a bunch of questions by writing this… weird. Is this what writing is all about?
EVERYONE GO FIND A FORM OF SELF-EXPRESSION.
Thanks for reading, xo.