Dear Future Ashley,

You’re going to be a mom soon. You are 37 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Baby girl is fully developed and can come as she sees fit… she’ll be safe. Her kicks are finally more prominent and I can feel how snuggled up she is in there. She’s running out of space. As each day passes by I am unsure whether I’m ready for her arrival of if I want her inside a bit longer.

Baby girl, I’m in a constant battle with myself about your arrival. Your room is all ready. Your hospital bag is packed. The only thing missing is you and for me to break through the barriers of my own negative energy. As much as I know that you’re almost here, I still feel so calm (the calm before the storm), but also anxious and nervous. Baby, you’re so real but you still feel like a dream. I still cannot believe I’m going to a mom, to be your mom.

Are you sure you made the best decision in choosing me? I’m still not sure how I got here, and how I got so lucky. Sleepless night are ahead, mental breakdowns are already simmering, but so are countless laughs, snuggles, and pure joy.

I may still feel unready—unsteady, but I am absolutely sure of a few things: Your room is ready and my heart and arms are ready to bask you in.

With love,

Past Ashley, and Your Mom