Written by Ashley Lopez

I’ve been in a relationship for six years and I’m only twenty-seven-years-old. My age is significant because I feel so young, but also not at the same time. I graduated college when I was twenty-two. This is important to say because I didn’t really know myself at the time. I am barely finding myself now, while in a long-term relationship.

Hi everyone, welcome back to Ashley Spills. Ashley, here. You can check out my other posts here.

Finding yourself in a long-term relationship

Over the past two years I’ve been getting know myself more and I’ve been consumed by the journey. I like being able to know what I like, what I don’t like, what makes me mad, what makes me sad, what makes me anxious, and most of all, what makes me happy.

A common cliché I hear is that truly finding yourself means you have to be single. While that may be true for some people, or specific journeys, I beg to differ. Once you slow down and appreciate what your significant other offers you—love, care, family, experience, comfort, etc.—it’s amazing to embrace it all.

But, It’s impossible to recognize these things when you’re so in-tune with your own tunnel vision. You cannot have a “my way or the highway” mentality on the journey to introspection otherwise you’ll never be able to learn more. Why? Because your mind won’t let you comprehend anything expect your own beliefs. This means, your life won’t have room for someone else’s viewpoints.

Embracing your partner’s opinions is important

If someone stops you from reaching a point, then that person isn’t meant to be in your life, period. But, it is possible to develop new skills and learn with someone supportive—your partner—by your side. I will admit that the beginning of my relationship was not rainbows and sunshine. However, reflecting on it now makes me know it is now. My partner gives me what I need (even if that requires alone time) to grow and flourish. The biggest lesson I’ve learned in my journey to self-awareness is that you have to want it be on the journey. You have to be intrigued by the idea of finding yourself.

There are times when my boyfriend and I don’t agree on lifestyle choices and have to meet in the middle. I used to care so much about that and just think: “Okay, end of relationship.” I don’t believe this anymore and I think I was naive to believe this before. If anything, I feel blessed to hear and understand (sometimes) his point of view on matters that are close to both of our hearts.

It is possible to live freely while dating

I’m a strong believer for paving your own road and following your dreams. I used to think that no man will ever stop me, or that I would never make any adjustments, but that’s not the case anymore. I’ve learned from him, experienced more with him, and gained more blessings in my life because of him. Sure, there are some things I won’t do right away out of respect for him. But, I’ve accepted it because I’ve slowly learned that compromising in a relationship is not the end of the world.

My journey to finding myself in a relationship has been completely plausible. In fact, it’s better because I have someone cheering me on. If you’re in a long-term relationship and feel like your are being stopped from doing things that make you happy, maybe it’s time to step back and analyze your feelings and their feelings. If your partner is unable to understand why you want to accomplish something, or makes you feel bad for wanting to, it’s time to move on.

Your partner should always encourage you to pursue your ambitions.

This post isn’t meant to tell people to not follow their dreams for love. It’s meant to show that if you’re in a healthy, loving relationship it is possible to compromise and still feel satisfied with your life. Remember to voice what you want and need, otherwise, none of this will be possible. I struggled with telling my boyfriend what I needed for a long time. I hope this helps.

Thanks for reading, xo.

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