Written by Ashley Lopez

Yo girl is officially in Southern California baby! The drive here was a journey. A stressful one (for me at least) because of all my negative thoughts. I’ve shared with you all about my mental monsters. I overthink, get nervous and have a ton of irrational fears—too many.

Hi everyone, welcome back to Ashley Spills. Ashley, here. You can check out my other posts here.

My most common fear

My most common worry and fear are my loved ones getting into an accident on the road or on any means of transportation. Every time someone I love walks out the door to drive to their destination, I am on edge. If I know someone is on their way to my place and I hear sirens outside, I automatically think that they were in an accident. My mind is tormented beyond measure.

So, for the big move with my boyfriend, he drove the U-Haul (a 10ft one). It was his first time driving one and that made me feel extremely uneasy. It was also literally at max capacity (okay bb, I’ll admit we needed a 15ft one). Anyways, while he was having a swell time driving down south, I was FREAKING OUT and thinking the absolute worst. We took the I-5 south freeway and went through the Grapevine – my biggest concern.

I kept picturing the U-Haul opening up while he was driving up the mountain causing a bunch of accidents behind him due to all our things flying out AND the U-Haul itself flipping over. In addition, I was also scared that the U-Haul would flip over on sharp turns. I was a mess while driving and I didn’t sleep well the night before.

After we finally made it through the Grapevine, I realized it wasn’t at all bad and I hurt my well-being for no reason. When we finally arrived to our new place, I was shaking uncontrollably for about ten minutes. My body was exhausted from the stress I caused it.

We cause our own stress with negative thoughts

The stress I caused it. It’s funny how our mind paints pictures that won’t ever come into existence.

All my life I’ve been plagued with jumping to conclusions, irrational fears, dark thoughts about death, accidents, losing someone, feeling afraid someone is mad at me and more. My mental health is at times sickened with this. For the most part, I believe I am well-balanced and I feel okay. But I do have plenty of moments that I question why I’m not okay. Why I’m tripping over something that doesn’t even pertain to me. This is why I rely so much on my daily rituals and habits. They bring me peace in my too-busy to function properly brain.

If you struggle with negative thoughts or anxiety, it’s important to find activities that make you feel grounded. Loving yourself requires some mental balance and that’s okay! It’s super important to recognize that sometimes we need help and we aren’t perfect. Remember, our mind is always playing tricks on us.

This week I challenge you to find something that brings you alleviation and balance during an anxious moment and to love all your big beautiful brain (even if it won’t shut up sometimes).

Thanks for reading, xo.