Let’s talk about self-sabotage.

What does it mean to me? Let me illustrate it for you. Picture this: 7 candles are lit, focus music is playing, a lap desk is resting on me as I sit on the couch, a Word document with an unfinished story is open, and I stopped writing. That’s just it. I have an untold story just waiting to be told, but I can’t get myself to write it.

What it actually means: It “occurs when we destroy ourselves physically, mentally, or emotionally or deliberately hinder our own success and wellbeing by undermining personal goals and values” (according to Google). I do it all the time.

This was brought to my attention because I recently went to a healing circle with Find Your Light and this topic was the theme. There are so many things I do to self-sabotage. The useless habits I do are beginning to catch up with me and I’m having a really hard time keeping up with all the things I need to write, but never finish. I’ve had an idea for a book for a long time and I truly think this idea is “the one” because I keep coming back to it but I’m scared to write it.

I have started it and it’s barely the beginning, but since this idea is somewhat based off personal experiences, I find every excuse to not write it, or write something else. Like this blog post for example. I was in the middle of a paragraph, and what did I decide to do?

Self-sabotage.

Not that this blog isn’t productive, or meaningful. It truly is to me, but this post wasn’t my goal for the evening. It was to write at least a few pages of my untold story. See I always do this, I always come up with excuses as to why I can’t write right now. I have to clean, to work, to scroll through my phone, to exercise, or to sit around and be completely unproductive because I also need “me time.”

So let’s talk about forms of self-sabotage

• Procrastinating
• Overthinking & assuming
• Controlling the situation
• Overindulging
• “Not good enough” attitude

How are these forms of self-sabotage? Well the more we procrastinate something (for example me writing this book), the further we’ll be away from reaching our goal. The more time we spend doing things counterproductive, the more we’ll regret all our wasted time in the future.

Overthinking and assuming negative things will never let you live to your fullest potential because you stay worried about something else rather than your goal. This can go hand-in-hand with controlling the situation. Once you’re in control, there is no room to worry about anything else because everything is going as planned. However, controlling is just as draining as overthinking.

Overindulging. I do this with food and social media, specifically TikTok. I know what I’m doing is unproductive and unhealthy, but I do it anyways and I can’t seem to break the cycle. Lastly, not feeling good enough, or confident enough, to reach that milestone. This can happen when you’re scared and think someone else will do it better than you. “Someone else can write a better book, but I can’t so I just won’t.”

How I hope to overcome self-sabotage (corresponding to the same order as above)

• Setting a timer for working/writing blocks
• Still trying to work on overthinking, it’s an endless cycle
• Stepping off my high horse and not giving a crap if the day isn’t going as planned
• Creating a schedule to snack/be on social media (and actually listen to the time limits set on my phone)
• Still need to work on this — any ideas?

Okay, if you are faced with self-sabotaging behaviors, are you aware of them? If so, what are you doing to work toward fighting them off?

How I’m healing

I think the first step is done because I am perfectly aware of the situation (thanks to Find Your Light) and I understand I am my worst nightmare. I am stopping myself from living productive and healthy. Me not writing a book is only one example, but honestly there are many other ways I self-sabotage. From what I gathered at the healing circle, a lot of people do it but many aren’t fully aware of it.

It can look like many different things, but it’s truly up to you to find it and come to terms with it to combat it. Maybe you’re struggling to understand why you still haven’t accomplished something. Or maybe you don’t know your next move in life.

Whether you’re trying to reach a goal or not particularly on a mission, but you do things you know aren’t healthy, what are they? Make that list and see what you could invest your time in instead.

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Thanks for reading, xo.

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