You heard it here first, folks: I’m a stay-at-home mom. The beast has officially been tamed. Just kidding. But sometimes it really feels that way. What the heck is my life right now?

To be transparent, I got fired. But in all honesty, my job wasn’t super demanding anyway, so I’ve felt like a stay-at-home-mom for the past five months. But now, I guess it’s really, really REAL. It’s my new reality. I guess you could say it’s my new “title.”

I used to cringe at the thought of being a stay-at-home mom (no offense to any moms). But here I am. I think I never saw the appeal because I cared too much about my own satisfaction, and I never understood how spending all day with your child(ren) could be appealing. But that’s all I’ve been doing 24/7 for the past 5 1/2 months.

A few things I’ve learned about this role:

• It’s definitely harder than any other “real” job I’ve had.
• It takes so much patience that I never even thought I had.
• I face my own demons ALL DAY LONG.

Being a stay-at-home mom is definitely harder than any other “real” job I’ve had.

This is so true. I used to feel so drained when working a Monday to Friday job, and now I feel completely wiped out at the end of each day, and that’s just with ONE kid. Every day feels like I’m checking things off of a list and then it’s time to go to sleep. And even though the list is somewhat similar every day, the road to finish the list always seems somewhat different. My baby girl is always throwing curve balls at me.

It takes so much patience that I never even thought I had.

I am the most impatient person I’ve ever met, and I cannot believe how much this baby makes me slow the f*ck down. Whether it’s pulling over on the road because she pooped (seriously, this is always happening now), planning my day around her naps, or just not being able to get anything done because she just wants to be held, I really got humbled as a mother. You really cannot be go-go-go all the time… it’s more like go, poop, feed, go, play, poop, cry, go, cry some more, oh wait another poop, and go.

I face my own demons ALL DAY LONG.

I feel like a loser a lot of the time. I have a husband (not really but basically) who is so successful. I have friends and family with fruitful careers, and yet here I am just at home all day (or at Target). I used to consider myself so independent, and here I am 100% depending on my man. Ugh, this is something to get used to. And no, he never ever throws this in my face. This is all in my head. Most of the time, I feel like a failure because I’m not doing anything else, but being a mom. Often times I don’t feel good about myself, but I’m learning to accept that being a mom is amazing too.

It’s not necessarily filling my cup in ways I pictured it, but it’s given me a completely new cup. A different shaped cup. Let’s call it a vase.

In the meantime…

I need to prioritize this. Writing these things down. I completely lost sight of myself, but I can’t do that anymore. In addition, I would like to continue working as a copywriter, so I will apply for roles like that that give me the flexibility to also stay at home.

Let me tell you something, two weeks ago I would have told you I’m going to look for a full-time job. I need adult interaction, and though that might be true, now when I look at my baby girl, I’m starting to hate that idea. So, I think working part-time will help me feel good about myself.

If you’re a stay-at-home mom

Hi, can I join your club please? I know I said it made me cringe, but what can I say… the smiles, sleep regressions, poop, and laughs got the best of me.

Beautiful readers, thank you for coming back to Ashley Spills. Ashley, here. You can check out my other posts here.

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