Written by Ashley Lopez

Hi everyone, welcome back to Ashley Spills. Ashley, here. You can check out my last post here. Today I am going to share my journey to self-care (no, I don’t mean just applying face masks). I learned to care for (and about) myself after I finally learned to love myself. Learning how to love myself (and how to love myself again) took time, family, music, writing, and believe it or not: strangers.

Time

During middle school, I was a shy, unconfident pre-teen who counted the seconds down until the bell rang. All I wanted to do—no, all I cared to do—was go home and listen to Taylor Swift (LOL, because you know, she was the only one that understood the real me). During high school, I was a shy, awkward teenager who counted down the days until a cute boy would ask her out. During college, I was a still shy, possibly obnoxious young adult who just wanted to pass her classes with at least a C average. After college, I am a scared of public speaking but confident adult (I know, doesn’t make any sense) who just wants to focus on her passions and learn more about herself.

It took me over 10 years to finally realize the key to me: self-love. With the amount of time it took me to truly love myself, I learned and grew along the way. I am now ready to say, after years, “I love me” more than I ever have.

Family

Although my family gets under my skin every now and then, what amazes me so much about them is how much they love me without directly telling me “I love you, daughter/sister/granddaughter/niece/cousin.” I guess it makes sense, I love them so much, too. I am twenty-seven years old and I have a five year old brother whom is obsessed with me. When I was seventeen years old, I had a five year old sister and an eight year old brother that cried every time I left. When I was eight years old, I had a four year old sister whom wanted to do everything with me.

Having siblings, better yet being the oldest sibling, made a world of a difference because I had to show them why self-love is important (and I still am showing them). If I didn’t love myself, someone they looked up to, how could they possibly love themselves?

All my family indirectly shows their love to me by wanting to spend time with me, wanting to see me succeed, and accepting me for me. If they love me more than life, then I can definitely love me, too.

Music

Music takes me to unimaginable places and I can go on and on about this, but to save time I figured I’d just share one of the artists that helped me love myself. It was the queen, Beyoncé Knowles. The lyrics to her songs helped me feel more confident which then led to self-love. Her songs (or songs she’s featured in) that made me feel unbelievably sexy are, “Partition,” “Kitty Kat,” “Naughty Girl,” “Dance For You,” “Check On It,” “Feeling Myself,” and “Flawless.” Though some of these songs are not too deep, they make me want to move my body and helped me appreciate my curves, so for that, I am grateful for her music.

Writing

I’ve struggled a lot with writing; you could say we have a love-hate relationship. A little over a year ago, this relationship was mostly hate because I wasn’t doing any writing. I might have journaled here and there or wrote unfinished short stories, but I never committed to any piece. This blog has given me a place to commit and create; it’s brought me fulfillment, joy, passion, and drive. Most of all, it’s led me to finding a clear path to reach goals that are attainable. Having a passion, a real passion, has led me to loving my life… to loving myself.

Strangers

This one may sound a bit surprising, but it’s true. When I am surrounded by (or watch) people with brilliant minds, it inspires me to do better and to be better. If I see someone doing something I long to do, I am fascinated by their determination. When I see someone doing something I’ve never tried or experienced, I am instantly captivated by their life. I am pushed to write more and create more content when you read my blog. Here’s a shoutout to all the people that have moved me without even knowing; without you, I may have never known what loving yourself looks like or what following your heart means. (I lead by example.)

Everyone has their own journey to self-love. It may take you more time or less time to reach it, nonetheless, it’s important we reach the point of love of self to truly care for our well-being; this includes loving yourself mentally, too. Think about it this way: How can you care about something you don’t love? For example, let’s take a family member, a friend, or a partner, why do you care about them so much? The answer is simple: you love them. Now, it’s time to love yourself. The road ahead may not be easy, but there is a way to cross it. My hope is that I can enable the path to cross it in some way.

This week I challenge you to think about write down what makes you feel confident, what inspires you, and what brings you bliss. I’ll tell what you what to do with these written items on Sunday.

Thanks for reading, xo.