Written by Ashley Lopez

I had a special request come in to write about getting over someone who played you. This should be fun as I don’t have the most experience with this. I haven’t really dated too much, but I can think about a time when I got super played.

Hi everyone, welcome back to Ashley Spills. Ashley, here. You can check out my other posts here.

Let’s go back to college. I was dating this guy that I liked a lot; I knew he had just got out of a relationship, but I kept trying to pursue him for some reason. In the end, he completely ditched me and got back together with his ex-girlfriend. No, I wasn’t heartbroken or anything. Out of my very scarce dating history, this is the only case I can think of that left me sad.

So, what did I do to get over him?

For starters, I worked with him and I quit my job because I didn’t want to see him ever again. It was pretty silly because I let some dude come in the way of my money. But in the end, I was happier at my new job. Anyways, when I quit, I sent him some salty text… I don’t remember exactly what it said, but something along the lines of, “don’t worry about me coming in the way of your relationship. I quit. By the way, fuck you.” (Ok I definitely ended it with “fuck you,” but that’s all I remember clearly LOL.)

That was the last form of communication I ever had with him and that was that. It didn’t take long to get over him. As usual, self-awareness and self-love plays a big role in moving on from someone you liked, or even loved.

How to move on from someone

Everyone loves different and some people get more attached than others. Some questions you need to ask yourself are:

• Why did I like them?
• What did they offer me?
• Am I a better person with them? If “yes,” do you truly believe this?

There are tons of reasons to like someone, but you should start by pointing out what you like about yourself, what you think you can’t offer yourself, and what about them makes you a better person? Once you are able to answer all these questions, you are able to pinpoint what is lacking in yourself—in your self-love.

There is a list of things you should be able to write down right now that you like—no, love—about yourself. Jotting down everything you offer is a good way for you to connect with yourself to use as a reminder of exactly why you’re so awesome. It’s also a great way to learn how to move on from someone.

For example, you’re a good cook, you’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re adventurous, you’re spontaneous, you’re a good dancer, etc., the list can go on for as long as you’d like. Lastly, ask a friend or family member how you make them a better person.

Okay so now you know yourself a little bit more.  You’re on your way to getting over them and learning how to move on from someone.

I’ve been in a relationship for over six years (keep in mind that I’m still in my twenties) and I can’t even imagine getting back out there and dating, but I know that it is necessary to do so to find your person. Not everyone is lucky enough to find them so soon, but your person is out there. Love is out there for everyone. I think it’s amazing that people have the courage to go look for it even if it means getting hurt along the way.

I cannot stress this enough: You cannot expect someone to love you if you don’t love yourself first.

Self-love plays a big role in dating and relationships because without it, you will start to question your own confidence and get self-conscious as to why they don’t like the same music as you (for example). Maybe you’ll even start to question whether you have bad taste in music. You don’t, honey.

Love yourself enough to know that although someone doesn’t like the same music as you, that doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough, or cool enough, or as well-rounded as them. You like what you like and that’s okay. Don’t apologize for being you. Stop worrying if what you like or don’t like is going to get you that date or make that person like you.

Once you truly love yourself, it really won’t matter because the both of you will love you.

When you learn how to move on from someone, truly then have you gained better control over your emotions and self-confidence. You’re more self-aware.

Anyways, I hope this resonated with the person who requested this, I think you are amazing and shouldn’t worry so much about a loser guy who didn’t appreciate you.

I’ll leave you all with one last note: Learning how to move one from someone means taking the time to love yourself before you try to pursue someone else.

Build a relationship with yourself before you try to build another one. Managing one relationship is enough, no need to manage two.

Thanks for reading, xo.

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