Written by Ashley Lopez

Hi there, welcome back to Ashley Spills. Ashley, here. If you missed my last post, you can check it out here. I am currently sipping on some Cabernet Sauvignon. After years, I think I finally know what kind of wine I like: red wine; I like Merlots, Cabernets, and Malbecs. Yumm. The less I can salivate, the better. Besides asking you what type of wine you like, what I really want to know is: Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

The question above was asked to me by a friend in college years ago. I felt dumb because I didn’t know what either of those words meant and the person who asked me was so ridiculously smart. Getting asked this, to me, felt like I was being tested on my intellect level. Could this girl and I really be friends? I know this sounds a bit silly, but I was kind of flattered that she was even intrigued by me as I barely kept up with all the things she would talk about.

She had a favorite author whereas I had a favorite lipstick.

Looking back, it is quite insane that I didn’t know what those words meant, so I simply answered: “A little bit of both” and played it off like a boss. To this day (and now knowing the definitions), my answer still stands. I am and always will be a little bit of both.

What makes someone an introvert?

An introvert, to me, is someone who keeps to themselves and gets lost in their constant thoughts. The fear of uttering them is too great to let go of. For example, “Will I get judged if I say this aloud?”, “Is anyone else going to relate to what I’m thinking?”, “Is there any point in me sharing my opinion?”, or “Will someone even care about what I have to say?”

I struggle with these questions a lot. They’re always running marathons in my head. If I ran as much as these questions did, I would be a track star. The funny thing about introversion is that as occupied as our minds might be, we’re so mentally stimulated—it’s freaking awesome. Take that, sudoku!

You can check out the definition of an introvert here.

What makes someone an extrovert?

Someone who is social, always seems happy, and not shy is an extrovert to me. You could say, they’re the life of the party. They’re unreserved and possibly seek attention from people/crowds OR get energy from it. Because some extroverts seek attention, some people may ask: Are extroverts bad people? Of course, not!

Sometimes, at whatever given gathering I’m at, I wonder if I seek out too much attention or if I’m just trying to be funny. (Your girl got jokes just FYI.) Maybe a little bit of both. But, what’s awesome about extroversion is being able to connect with anyone. I would like to live a world where I can click with everyone. That’d be cool because I would probably be presented with endless opportunities.

The many connections I do make, however, are unforgettable.

Check out the definition of an extrovert here.

I think I’m an introvert and extrovert. Is that normal?

Absolutely! Like I said, I am positive I am both and that’s okay. Being both means being an ambivert. Of course, there will be people who don’t agree. Your personality is YOURS. Whatever your personality and mentality falls under (or whatever you identify as) is perfect because it’s you. If you ask half of my friends, they would tell you I’m an extrovert and the other half of my friends would say I’m an introvert.

Why?

I guess it just depends on who I’m around and my mood. I tend to feel more comfortable around some people than I do others. Though, just because I’m less comfortable around someone doesn’t mean I don’t like them. I can love them but still feel so nervous to be myself.

With age, our traits are always evolving and you’re allowed to be one thing one day and something else the next day. Having both traits of an introvert and extrovert is interesting because it can be a bit confusing. How can I feel so social one day and so anti-social the next day? The more I get to know myself, the better I will be able to answer this question in the future, and will hopefully get to share it with you.

I am proud to be consumed by thinking but also be on the dance floor. (Of course, I’m just thinking about what move I’m about to bust.)

Can you become extroverted?

I don’t know. I wish I could answer this, but I will say this: When I’m feeling introverted, there is NO way for me to turn on my extroversion and talk to people. If my thoughts are at 100mph, I CANNOT slow them down, actually, I refuse to slow them down. That’s a part of me that, for some reason, I cannot control. If I ever learn how, I’ll let you know.

Time to reflect.

In the end, I think I played off not knowing what an introvert or an extrovert meant at the time. You can say I nailed “fake it till you make it.”

So, are you an introvert or an extrovert? Why? Do you wish you were one or the other? Reflect on it. Write it down. Draw it. Sing it. EXPRESS YOURSELF, HONEY.

Thanks for reading, xo.

Disclaimer: I am not backing any of this up with any type of science. This is 100% opinionated. But, you ROCK, science!

Extra resources:

Are you an introvert or extrovert quiz

There are four kinds of introverts, you can check them out here.