Written by Ashley Lopez

Let’s talk about the word should. When the word should is used, there’s pretty much a societal vortex that opens: You should go to college, You should get married before having kids, You should work a 9 to 5 job, You should act like a lady and not have sex, You should not take provocative photos. Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s okay if you are not following the traditional should path. 

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Should \ shəd, ˈshu̇d \: used in auxiliary function to express condition.

Should have & Should have not

As I am getting older, I am noticing all the things that people have molded in my mind. Here are my I “should have done” sooner and I “should not have” done things according to them. Some of my “should haves” include: Launched my blog years ago; Majored in something with a direct career path (something in the medical, legal, or engineering field); Traveled the world as soon as I graduated; Been married already; Bought a house by now; And the list goes on.

Some of my “should not haves” include: Moved in with my boyfriend before marriage; Waited this long to even consider having children; Had so many jobs; Taken a job, or put myself in a position, without benefits; And, again, the list goes on.

The word “should” has a negative connotation because it makes us think of conditions, standards, or rules. Society as a whole has so many norms now-a-days, but so do different cultures and religions. It’s hard to keep up with all the “shoulds” because if I were raised religious, then I am sinning for living with my boyfriend. Whereas others will applaud me for living with him before marriage because now I know whether or not we are compatible. We’re criticized by one group for living a certain way, yet applauded by the other. I honestly don’t know what the hell to follow. 

Living authentically

What I wanted to say today is that it’s okay if you’re not following, or living by, the variety of “shoulds” that are thrown at us all the time. How is anyone supposed to live authentically with all this pressure to do what other people (or standards) want us to do. If you are truly happy living the way you are now, then just keep doing what you’re doing.

However, if you are reading this and realize you might be living for someone else, then take this as a reminder that at the end of the day: This is YOUR life and no one else can live it better than you. It’s okay if you feel a little behind because, honestly, I’m sure more than half of us do.

I’m learning to follow my own needs and wants, but it’s not easy at all. Everyone in my life has a different opinion, and although I listen and appreciate them all, I need to stop caring so much about them. 

I’m always comparing myself to other people, not only myself, but my life. The battle within my brain is always like “I should have done this like her” or “Maybe if I majored in what she majored in, I’d be as rich as her” or, and my personal favorite, “Maybe if I was more like her, I’d be happier.” Comparison is a battle that many of us face; You’re not alone. I face it every single day. 

Be honest with yourself

I’m not going to sit here and write that I’m living 100% authentically because the truth is I’m not. I’m self-aware enough to know that and I’m accepting it. The personal challenges I face, and probably even make up, aren’t the healthiest. Oftentimes I live for my family, my friends, and just people I see doing it better than me (or what looks like better). 

With that said, I will share one “should” with you that I think is acceptable: You should do what feels right to you. You should not live by the rules, or standards, around you. 

Let’s do this together. Seriously, I need support. Let’s be friends.

This week, I challenge you to answer these questions in your journal—What is something that makes you feel fulfilled? Are you able to do this at least once a week? If so, why aren’t you doing it? If not, why not? How can you overcome the barriers stopping you from doing what makes you feel content?

Comment below and let me know if you’re tired of the word should too.

Thanks for reading, xo.

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